“It’s all in your head” has never been truer than when it comes to the female libido. Although a woman’s headspace is imperative for desire and arousal there are also other contributions to the equation. If you haven’t read my last post on increasing the male libido, please do that. There is some overlap.
Although like men, desire in women can appear out of nowhere at times causing women to seek out or initiate sexual activity, this is typically not the case. For women, it’s more commonly a process of all the senses and a state of mind in addition to a healthy and balanced hormonal system.
The Importance of TKT
A focused awareness of TKT or Touching, kissing, and talking are often the recipe needed to initiate desire in women. This is why the female equivalent to Viagra is an anti-depressant medication taken daily that affects the brain more than the sexual organs as Viagra does. Just like other anti-depressants, it is chock full of side effects and not effective enough to justify its risks.
The Libido Busters
Even with TKT, there is a multitude of factors that get in the way of female desire.
- Daily life stress and busyness
- Hormone imbalance
- Illness and chronic diseases like diabetes and obesity
- Major shifts in life like childbirth or menopause
- A loss of connection with your partner
- A difficult time achieving an orgasm
- A loss of creativity and innovation in connecting sexually
- A loss of thrill or sense of mystery
- Taking medications that diminish desire
- And so much more
Be Innovative
Necessity is, truly, the mother of invention.
There has never been a time where women have had as much access to so many different methods of sexual stimulation, outside of having a partner.
Erotica, thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey, is now an acceptable form of stimulation for women. It is readily available and can help women figure out what they find arousing. A word of caution here: Christian Grey does not exist. If you hold your partner up to a standard that does not exist, you are only looking for disappointment. Instead, learn to communicate your needs and desires in a way that is comfortable for both of you and be willing to experiment a little for your partner’s sake without making them feel bad.
Devices are an absolutely acceptable option for women who need a little extra help in achieving an orgasm. They have come a long way in the how they look and function. Alex Fine with a Masters in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and Janet Lieberman a mechanical engineer from MIT (in other words…smart people) created a company called Dame Products that has empowered women from coast to coast to have better intimate experiences with (or without) their partner.
There are many herbs that have been used for centuries to help with a woman’s libido. Ashwagandha tops my list since it so readily adapts to what the body needs. I use it with great success for anxiety and insomnia but it can also increase libido as does Maca. Maca, a Peruvian plant, can also increase energy and cognitive performance. Based on a study conducted by the Department of Urology at Chonnam National University, menopausal women found Korean red ginseng helped to increase desire.
Supplementing with DHEA, when levels are low, has also been shown to increase libido in women. It can also be used topically for vaginal dryness as well as arousal. Dr. Anna Cabeca created a topical cream that has DHEA, coconut oil, vitamin E, shea butter, emu oil, and rose stem cells called Julva.
Be A Stand For What You Need
Remember to not make a moment of low libido into “something is wrong” with me, my body or my partner. It waxes and wanes for all of us and doesn’t always coincide with our partner. Communication and education are key.
Women must give themselves the permission to experience what they find pleasurable and stimulating and for each, it is an experience as unique as we are.
We are sexual beings and our sexuality should not be buried. So, get your TKT on!
If you are brave enough to share let me know what works for you.